


Elcor Don't Have Tells

by Doirly_No



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Humor, Public Nudity, coarse language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doirly_No/pseuds/Doirly_No
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard loses everything in a poker game, but matters only gets worst when he runs into Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elcor Don't Have Tells

Peering out from a shadow bathed corner Shepard considered whether he should bother making Joker’s future murder look like an accident. Don’t worry Commander, that elcor totally has a tell. His eyes stayed glued to the elevator door, waiting for a chance to make a run for it, but every time they opened someone else stepped off or got on. Who knew that this part of the wards had so much traffic? After several false starts and as many close calls he finally had to say, fuck it, and went for it. 

He started out, wedding tackle in hand, but half way realized it probably only made it look worse, so let himself swing free. In all his naked glory he went up to the doors and waited for them to open. The minute or so it took gave him a chance to get used to his public nudity, but when the lift arrived and he saw it was, of course, occupied he tensed up again. 

The hanar to the left didn’t seem to even notice, what better species to run into really, but the two wide-eyed maidens on the right were another story. He got in and turned around, keeping his attention glued to the screen above the closing doors that showed the floor number. Almost immediately he could hear the suppressed giggles leaking in from behind him. Shortly thereafter he couldn’t help but notice the attempted peeks. A dozen levels went by with the damage limited to the pair of asari, but then there was a whoosh and hell walked in.

“Shepard,” said with a little nod.

Through a tightened jaw, “Jack.”

“So, how’s it hanging? No, wait…” A finger raised, she looked down. “Slightly to the left I see.”

“Yep.” Shepard kept his focus above the door as it closed.

“Thought the Citadel was suppose to be temperature controlled, but it seems to be a bit chilly in here.”

“Must be a glitch in the system.” Maybe he could frame Jack for Joker’s murder.

She unabashedly bent over a bit to get a good look below the belt. “Is that a tiger?”

“Can we just stand here in silence?”

“Not if you hope to get any help from me we won’t.”

His eyes rolled up a second before he released a frustrated huff. “Yes it is. I was rather young and very drunk and out with my buddies after graduation. We all got tattoos and for whatever reason an alcohol drenched brain could come up with, we made a deal that whoever got theirs closest to their balls didn’t have to pay for the rest of the night.”

She looked again at the roaring feline head that stretched from base to navel. “What happened to your bush?”

“The guy talked me into the permanent hair removal package.”

“Same thing happened to me,” Jack replied with a wiggle of the eyebrows. “What’s that scar on your elbow?”

Arms crossed high and tight he could easily see the aforementioned blemish, as if he had to confirm it was still there. “The end of my high-school pitching career.”

“Big burn on your side?”

“Saren gave me that one.”

“What about that weird one on your shoulder?” Both humans turned to the on looking maiden who had ventured the question.

“Well?” Jack prompted after a moment’s silence.

“Space-monkey bite.” Before anyone could ask he added, “The other two are from falling out of a tree and a krogan.”

“A krogan?” the asari asked.

“Yep, I fell out of a tree onto a krogan after a space-monkey bit me.” Then he broke, “Are you going to help me!?”

“Alright, calm down there, Tiger.” Jack began to undo her pants and tossed them over. “But I expect to get these back.”

He just knew that nickname was going to stick. “Thanks.”

Standing there in her normal top and a pair of baggy shorts she added, “Make sure you wear nothing else when you return them.”

Shepard paused, considering whether it was worth it, but he had no choice and pulled them up into a snug fit that barely covered his more intimate bits. “I’ll consider it.”

“Not good enough, give ‘em back.”

Ignoring the request, he slapped the control panel so he could step off the lift as soon as possible.

“Oh and Shepard.” As the doors closed Jack sang, “I can still see your pussy.”


End file.
